I had a thought last night. I should write a plug-in for Microsoft Word that kids can use for paper-writing when they have to have some sort of arbitrary length for their submission; like 5 pages or what have you. This plugin would automatically shrink the margins, double-space and increase the font size, but only up to the upper limits of acceptability; no logic in making it 50 point. That would just give it away. It would have a thesaurus attached, so you could find the longest and most cromulent words to substitute in. Word already has built-in grammar checking, so you can probably make sure that everything still makes sense after you’re done. Of course, if I could bring in a bunch of 18th century slang, I could just have it be a Mr. Burns filter for all the little ragamuffins out there.

The only problem as I see it would be marketing. Any sort of email with subject lines like “Increase your size by 50%” and “Rip your teacher’s emotions apart with your massive paper” are likely to get picked up by spam filters.