monday night i was the victim of a drive-by. i had just pulled up in my car after going to see Minority Report, and i’m turning the car off and taking off my seat belt, and there’s a wet thump on the door.

me: what the heck was that?
friend: i think somebody threw something at your car.
me: [notices a large smeary brown mess on the side] eeeew! i think someone threw a handful of shit on my car!
friend: i don’t think anyone would actually do that, would they?
me: [sniffs the brownish goo with great apprehension] oh, it’s just bbq sauce.

further investigation yielded the offending container (from the local mcdonalds) a few feet away. so, that got me thinking; did the person sort of just toss it out of their window? just a little flick of the wrist? or was it a malicious winging of said container? would the forward velocity of a 40 mph car have been enough to splatter the container that violently, since the momemtum would have been almost all forward, and only a little bit to the side?

then i started wondering why i was bothering to assemble my own warren commission over the whole thing, and went inside and got a container of water to rinse it off, in case it ate paint the same way raw eggs do.